Cool story brah... (possible TMI--yeah, like that'll stop ya)

You know those bras that clip in front?

Yeah, they're super-comfy and all, great as a work out bra for not-well-endowed women. I love mine, and it's great to wear during yoga, when I have to contort in weird positions. You know, until the effing bra comes undone in the middle of a reverse-prayer-twist-of-doom.

Yeah, that's right. Hello world.

I kept that position for a moment (imagine a knees-together squat, with your hands in a prayer-like position, with your torso twisted so your left elbow is on your right knee) and tried to figure out what to do. Sure, I was in the back of the yoga class, but we only take up half the gym. The other half was filled with guys playing basketball.

I had a sudden flash of insight: the first day of yoga, I bumped my nose during child's pose, and out fountained a stream of blood--weak nose vessels. I grabbed my nose with both hands, elbows firmly keeping the you-know-whats pressed into my chest. And then, pretending like my nose was trying to gush blood, head tilted back (yes, I know that's the wrong thing to do for a nosebleed, unless you want to drink your own blood from your nasal cavities, but that's the stereotypical nosebleed pose), I stumbled across the gym, up the stairs, and to the bathroom.

Here's where it gets intense. The bra thing was easy to remedy: a quick snap into place and I was fine. But obviously my nose wasn't bleeding, and I was awkwardly standing in the bathroom, and my feet were getting cold, so I did the first stupid thing I could think of. I'd cut myself shaving earlier (yes, this was a great day), so I jabbed at the scab a little, grabbed a paper towel, and transferred a bit of my luscious red DNA to it.

I am nothing if not thorough in my deceptions.

I walked proudly out of that bathroom, delicately dabbing at my nose, checking for blood. And by golly, there was blood on that paper towel. No one has to know that it was ankle blood, not nose blood.

And you know what? I freaking got away with it. Victory!